There are points in your life that are pivotal and when I realised I had come full circle in my journey, the processes that I set in place changed everything.
Telling Boi I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him, that I didn’t want long-term with him, I didn’t want marriage with him, telling him to find other lovers if he wanted someone to live with and to marry. Telling him I would always be poly because that just seems to be who I am, I will always be a Cuckoldress.
Leaving Feltlife and deleting my account because it had not interested me for a long time.
Telling R I would always be available to talk, be his friend but I would no longer push him for a real relationship even though that was what I wanted.
Finding out I was abused by a babysitter’s husband during my early years, as well as my father through flashbacks.
Coming to terms with no longer having the constant companionship of my insiders, and finding the strength within myself to accept being truly alone.
Finding my passion for teaching and mentoring others coming back, my passion for learning about anything and everything.
Coming to the realisation that my biological family will never believe the incest happened and letting go of looking for validation from them. Closing the door on my relationships with them once and for all, and walking away. I felt a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders.
Coming to the realisation I am a true introvert, an I N F J . I have always followed my gut instincts about people, and I have always been very empathetic.
Realising I am happy to just be who I am. I don’t need a lot of people in my life to be happy, I am happy with doing my own thing. I will always follow my own road and not the crowd in my relationships with others and life.
Setting boundaries with other people for my emotional and mental health, putting myself first instead of always considering other peoples wants and needs, and not caring about being judged anymore.
For the first time in my life accepting and loving myself for who I am, knowing how much I bring to the table in life experience, wisdom, empathy, caring and compassion. Really knowing deep within myself how lucky anyone would be to have me in their life.
Not allowing toxic people in my life anymore.
Seeing my psych again because I am no longer afraid of facing and discussing my childhood abuse. Discussing my family relationships, looking for insights into the why and looking at what happened through a different lens.
For the first time feeling truly angry about my abuse.
Accepting R back into my life on my terms only.
Having Boi in my life on my terms.
Understanding for the first time in my life what love is and the difference between “loving someone” and “being in love”.
Coming to the understanding, that for me, being dominant is deep down, not what I do, or wear, or say but who I am inside. That I am dominant without my insiders, without Carnal and Pandora, without Bdsm, without having outside forces defining what being dominant is for me.
And I love being who I am, I love knowing Boi is scared of me, I love being sadistic, hurting Boi, and R. I love making them bow to my will because they love my control, they love who I am. When I show my dominant face, I am domination personified.
Having R ask me to marry him and have him as my cuck slave husband, and accepting his proposal, having Boi accept he will only ever be my sub but with the knowledge, I will always be his Mistress for as long as he wants me to be.
Not being afraid anymore of anything, not my past, not new experiences, and definitely not failing because I know whatever I put my mind and heart into, I will succeed.
If you want it hard enough, the universe will always give you what you need. I no longer see life as a struggle but as an exciting challenging journey.