I am loving having Boi in my life, we both had a nice time on the weekend. I always laugh because he so wanted to watch the football Friday night but as soon as dinner is finished he ends up relaxing on the bed wanting to be my slut and has no interest in watching it. His chest was still covered in yellowing bruises from the last time we met and he commented on how he believed his nipples were hardening up from the regular torment so I tormented him for ages, telling him when they got sore and tender that I did not care and that he would take whatever I dished out to him. The weekend was filled with pegging, cock slapping, tit torture, I spent a long time using my words on him sending him spiralling down the rabbit hole. Friday night he also got his reward and he lay on the bathroom floor and I squatted over him using his mouth as my toilet. He didn’t spill any and hungrily swallowed every drop. I then peed on his little clitty because why not…showing my contempt for his useless manhood. Because I had drunk a fair amount all day it wasn’t long until I had to go again but I used the toilet this time and Boi laughed because when I need to go I need to go and it sounds like a waterfall in full force. Boi commented I’d probably drown him if I hadn’t controlled my flow earlier, cheeky brat.
We had fun playing Uno and I kept beating him which made me laugh because he gets cranky if he doesn’t will a few games.
Saturday he pushed the boundaries and ended up with a belt spanking. I was not impressed, he had lost a bet and was supposed to wash my car and the windows. Although he did wash the car he didn’t do the windows even though he said he would, I didn’t make a fuss, I just went and did them. But that night I reprimanded him and said when I tell him to do something I expect him to do it and not forget or put it off for another time. When I said I was going to discipline him with the Punisher he was cheeky and said I couldn’t because he had put his toy box away in the garage as he had visitors on Thursday. He was disconcerted when I walked out of the bathroom holding his belt and told him to bend over the bed. I had never used a belt before but I didn’t do too bad a job, his ass was red and burning by the time I finished. It will be a little while before he tests me again I think, lol. As much as Boi is testing me I am finding that I can be just as firm, we are both finding out things about ourselves that we didn’t know before.
Saturday I drove up to see Ruben and I had a nice time although Ruben made me cry, and it sounds so silly but I just don’t have any shields anymore and Ruben was teasing me constantly from when I walked in the door, and it was hilarious the things they were saying, I was laughing so hard I thought I would pee my pants but it reached a point where I couldn’t take it and before I knew what was going to happen I was in tears. I have never done that before and it surprised myself and Ruben. Without my insiders anymore I have no buffers, no walls to protect me, I have always been a very sensitive person, more as a child, just living in this world wears me down and with the body memories and flashbacks I am more fragile emotionally than I have been for a very long time even though I hide it all behind a smile and I refuse to dwell on it all.
The early mornings are the hardest at Boi’s place, I usually wake up first and my symptoms start kicking in, as soon as Boi starts waking up all I want to do is scream at him ‘don’t touch me!’ over and over again but of course, I don’t. I am sure over time this feeling will fade but I hate it. I know where it comes from, I even remember the experience I had as a child that it is connected to.
I know I have to get used to it all, I know over time I will get desensitized to what triggers me, I just don’t want Boi to think it is him, that it is his fault I get triggered because it isn’t.