Will I ever have someone


I am so upset right now… with myself.. with him…

I was just chatting to someone on an adult site… and we seemed to click so much..

but then there was a miscommunication. I missed something he said.. and there was a misunderstanding and now he wont talk to me.. sigh….

The guy I was dating before only last a few months… again miscommunication… and he was not willing to see my point of view at all… it hurts.. me… am I never going to have someone…. I feel like saying someone please fix me so I can just be able to not fuck up a relationship with the opposite sex or even with anyone.

My eldest refuses to have anything to do with me… She says I was a neglectful mother…

and maybe she is right.. maybe I was a bad mother… but I tried so hard to be a good mother.. to my children… I tried so fucking hard.. I worked hard.. I had a  job which was very stressful and full on all day… the paperwork would overload me…

Id come home and clean the house… Id cook all their meals… until they were old enough to get their own breakfast…

I tried to be there for them… i did…

it was so fucking hard… having mpd… takes over your life… they wanted outside time.. they wanted to have friends.. to do stuff.. to be with different people… and I got lost for so many years of my life… I lost who I was .. what I wanted… what I wanted to do.. and who I wanted to be… what sort of person did I want to be?

It all got lost… and I was swept away by the river of life of day to day chores and work and trying to be there for a narcissist who was never happy with anything.. I failed my children…

and I hate myself for that…

why would they want to be with me when I wasn’t there for them …


Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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