Ancst

I seem to be full of ancst tonight..I just feel like writing and writing and writing… Pervaue was supposed to talk to me online tonight and he didnt turn up… i was disappointed and hurt but I should not have been surprised… he might say he wants a mistress but I think as he mentioned in one of his emails that he was diagnosed with aspergers… im like geez what is it with  me meeting and liking men who have incidentally got aspergers!!!!   Grant was also an undiagnosed aspy.. grrr..

Still feeling spacey in my head .. i am starting to recognise the signs of my anxiety now.. I didnt before… I never used to know what i felt if it wasnt intense…. either one end of the emotional rainbow or the other..

Also I have noticed since the others are gone.. my emotions are raw… its like someone has ripped a bandaid off a sore…

I feel things very deepy and they hurt.. actually hurt… it could be something as simple as watching a mother and baby in an ad and i will start crying.. or watching the news.. someone dies and I cry..

Just thinking about things too much and I cry…

its like this world wasnt made for people who feel so much… who empathise so deeply…

this is me… this is how I feel… I feel so much empathy for others that it hurts me…

I cried so much seeing that horrible video on facebook showing the dead children in Syria and the people just carrying their bodies and piling them in the van… washing their clothes and bodies to get rid of the horrible chemicals… even thinking about it I am getting upset and tearful..

the thought that someone could be the slightest bit mad, angry or disappointed in me just gives me a meltdown…

The other week I thought Ruben was saying that that i was bad and she was disappointed having a mother with aspergers… i felt instantly devastated and i started crying…

i just cant seem to handle heavy duty feelings anymore… i never knew how much the others covered for me until now and they are gone…

 

 

 

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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