Confidence

bdsm (1)

I guess looking at BDSM as an interest. It is probably the one major interest/obsession that I have other than colouring and learning about Aspergers at the moment.

It gives me confidence like nothing else can. Learning that I have Aspergers and having the others go inside and shut the door gave my self confidence a huge hit. I feel more confident and happier when I am doing things that are BDSM related. Just talking to others about kink makes me happy..lol

Im not much to look at.. honestly Im not… I have hazel eyes.. freckles.. Im only 5’3 and I weigh over 130kg… I have dark brown hair which is thinning as I get older and which I have to dye every month.. but when I am made up so to speak and I dress as the Mistress I am… that all goes away… and the submissives I am with dont see any of that.. they see their mistress.. who is sexual and witty.. demanding, loving, sensual  and sometimes a bitch…yes I can be a bitch when I have to be.. if I know it turns a slave on to have his face pushed into the floor and my crop used across his ass I will do it because I get enjoyment out of his enjoyment of what I do to him.

It makes me feel confident that even though I am not what society thinks of as beautiful there are males out there who find me very desirable. Shrugs .. that is how I get my kicks… I’m not going to apologise for them.. or myself.. why should I?

This is an integral part of who I am… I like this side of me.. it’s not all I am.. I still feel vulnerable.. I still am scared and anxious when I go out in public…

I guess it is a coping mechanism for me in a way.. to find people I can connect with in some way. I don’t know… for me.. being a Mistress gives me the same feeling as when I’m home alone and no one is going to be home for hours… and you just relax and have that feeling of safety and security and that feeling of  “Oh at last I can be myself …”

Not sure if I have explained it properly or not but that is it.

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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