Because i always had the others and they were always there and merged with me as I am co-conscious I never felt anxious a lot so I never had panic attacks and I never knew what they felt like..
But oh boy did I find out… I was discussing aspergers online with a friend and telling him about how i get scared going out and being in social settings… I started feeling weird and spacey in my head.. like I was going to throw up… dizzy… slightly short of breath.. i could feel a sense of derealisation… not sure if that is the proper word as this is all new to me.. of not feeling real in my head.. if I didnt know the others were gone id say it felt like i was going to dissociate…
Ive felt this a couple of times since the others have gone.. but I didnt know what it was… it lasts about half an hour and it makes me want to count in my head and just rock.. be away from everyone in a quiet dark room on my own..
I looked up the symptoms and it said panic attack.. can last up to half an hour…. i was like oh.. so that is what that is supposed to feel like… I still feel weird in the head and not quite real.. Im trying to pretend everything is normal because Im in the living room and my daughter is on her computer on the couch… I just cant tell her.. i go mute..
I tried to tell her earlier when i was feeling dizzy but once again the words would not come out of my mouth…
maybe i will be able to tell her tomorrow when i feel more normal… I dont know..
how do people live like this? … Is it common for people with aspergers not to recognise what is going on in their head and what emotions they are feeling?
I feel like my body isnt insync with my mind.. my thoughts.. like my body is moving a second or two slower than it should..
I dont feel real.