Autism Freed Me

High in the sky I float.. above the clouds… nothing surrounds me… just the warm sunlight upon my skin… and a tingling feeling inside my heart… I laugh and giggle.. as I float… the balloon lifting me up high as a kite…

Fear a distant memory…. I smile happily… looking up… I never want to come down… I just want to float so high… this moment forever…

This is what finding out I was autistic is like for me…

A explosion of happiness… of joy… of realising this is who I am…. I lovingly run my hands over the book… my manual of autism… of symptoms… of coping mechanisms… of stimming and meltdowns and all the vernacular that I have yet to learn…

No more sadness, chaos, wondering why I felt like such an alien… now i have a sense of belonging.. of knowing that there are other people just like me…

I was truly disabled before, I was suicidal, I dissociated… I was depressed and very unhappy, I lived in a cave in my mind and I hid from the world for 45 years…

and now Im not… I have knowledge at my fingertips… anything I dont understand I look it up… I research.. and for the first time in my life I am actually learning… MPD took so much of myself that I had nothing left for life.. for me…

Advertisements

Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s