Meltdown

So.. last night was a meltdown… Ive had them all my life but I never knew they had a name… I always hid them… made sure no one new…..

Since finding out about Aspergers its like I can find labels for things that happen to me…

Im looking more at my internal stuff and slowly working things out…

I still felt a bit horrible this morning… but it slowly went away..

I still feel awful about my others being back and very foolish and naive that I thought they were gone.. it still feels like the universe has played a horrible trick on me…

I still feel.. like they could snatch my future from me… my goals.. my aspirations…

Its horrible living like this…. I never knew that before… I always accepted it and thought I was ok being multiple… I did not see because I was inside my mental illness.

Now ive had time without them.. Ive been able to do things… to start to get somewhere in my life… and now they are back I just see it all disappearing in front of my eyes…

I dont want them in my life… in my head and certainly not taking over.. ever again…

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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