Stupid

I still feel so stupid… fuck…

I dont know if I can live with them anymore… I cant handle the thought of everything being taken away from me again…

and that kills me… the thought of what I would be leaving behind me…

My children.. I cant stand the thought of hurting them in such a way…

But Im not sure I can live this way anymore…

Someone somewhere is laughing at me… at this huge joke they played on me…

I just want to go away .. disappear and not come back… if that means dying… maybe that would be best…

I have fought being suicidal since I was 3 years old.. and I wanted to cut my hand off… because he made me touch him… how long do I have to fight to survive… I am so tired of having to fight these feelings, of being this way inside my mind… I feel like everything that I wanted… has been snatched away..

My future my goals.. I want to say I will fight .. I will survive… I can do this… but I just dont know if I can anymore… Im so tired… tired of trying.. of trying to get better …

I need someone to just pick me up and carry me those last few metres ….to the finish line…

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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