Fight Club

So my feelings from the meltdown are now gone…

and I am reconciling myself to the fact that my insiders are back…. they have been fairly quiet .. so I am hoping that …. that will be the way it will be now on… and I can live my life the way I want to…

I still feel not right about knowing they are back… like I am broken… in some way.. or I am maybe sad… I always had trouble identifying my feelings…

Each day…. things will happen and it just confirms more and more I am an aspie…

Even this morning… Ruben was pulling my leg about how she didnt think you could do banking at the post office and I in my aspie way believed she actually thought that… lol and then Ricky Rubens partner chimed in and they both were pulling my leg but I seriously thought they were genuine… we had a good laugh afterwards but it just cements in my head that I am different…

So I am going to fight… to live my life the way I want… to be honest.. the only one who can stop me is myself… no one else…I know at times i struggle, and there will be dark times ahead… but its like at the moment my ray of hope is gone… when I realised the others were still here they killed whatever hope i had of being normal..

I know that is silly to say because I am probably aspie… but its true….I thought i would live without them in my life..

maybe I will.. no one has been out since the other day.. I have heard voices a couple of times… but nothing like it used to be… not the crowd or the commentary gallery..

Oh yes I had a gallery of commentary on my life continually in the background.. analysing and discussing everything I did or say.. or voices offering advice.. or support…

So I will fight .. but at the moment it feels like I have no fight left to give.

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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