Fight Club

So my feelings from the meltdown are now gone…

and I am reconciling myself to the fact that my insiders are back…. they have been fairly quiet .. so I am hoping that …. that will be the way it will be now on… and I can live my life the way I want to…

I still feel not right about knowing they are back… like I am broken… in some way.. or I am maybe sad… I always had trouble identifying my feelings…

Each day…. things will happen and it just confirms more and more I am an aspie…

Even this morning… Ruben was pulling my leg about how she didnt think you could do banking at the post office and I in my aspie way believed she actually thought that… lol and then Ricky Rubens partner chimed in and they both were pulling my leg but I seriously thought they were genuine… we had a good laugh afterwards but it just cements in my head that I am different…

So I am going to fight… to live my life the way I want… to be honest.. the only one who can stop me is myself… no one else…I know at times i struggle, and there will be dark times ahead… but its like at the moment my ray of hope is gone… when I realised the others were still here they killed whatever hope i had of being normal..

I know that is silly to say because I am probably aspie… but its true….I thought i would live without them in my life..

maybe I will.. no one has been out since the other day.. I have heard voices a couple of times… but nothing like it used to be… not the crowd or the commentary gallery..

Oh yes I had a gallery of commentary on my life continually in the background.. analysing and discussing everything I did or say.. or voices offering advice.. or support…

So I will fight .. but at the moment it feels like I have no fight left to give.



Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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