Broken Hearted

I really like Ashley but I don’t want a romance with him…. I am not sure I want that … if I would even risk letting myself love someone again…. I like him but I do not see myself falling in love with him or even want to… I made it clear to him that we would be only friends and Mistress/Sub….

I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me…. what do I have to offer them… I have no money…. no equity and no superannuation even.. I am going to be working until I die…. even if I can get a job…

I cannot even buy someone a fucking coffee at the moment…. I am using every cent I have to pay off debt from 5 years ago… and even though I know it will be finished this year … it feels like it will go on forever….

I hate my ex for that… for running off and leaving me with a huge debt….. because of her I had a nervous breakdown… I have a debt 9 agreement… which is just about bankrupt anyway…. I lost my eldest child and i refuse to open my heart to anyone else…. I refuse to fall in love again… and I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me… no one would want me anyway… I am a broken toy… no one ever wants the broken ones…


Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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