I really like Ashley but I don’t want a romance with him…. I am not sure I want that … if I would even risk letting myself love someone again…. I like him but I do not see myself falling in love with him or even want to… I made it clear to him that we would be only friends and Mistress/Sub….

I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me…. what do I have to offer them… I have no money…. no equity and no superannuation even.. I am going to be working until I die…. even if I can get a job…

I cannot even buy someone a fucking coffee at the moment…. I am using every cent I have to pay off debt from 5 years ago… and even though I know it will be finished this year … it feels like it will go on forever….

I hate my ex for that… for running off and leaving me with a huge debt….. because of her I had a nervous breakdown… I have a debt 9 agreement… which is just about bankrupt anyway…. I lost my eldest child and i refuse to open my heart to anyone else…. I refuse to fall in love again… and I don’t want anyone to fall in love with me… no one would want me anyway… I am a broken toy… no one ever wants the broken ones…

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