My insiders

Ah.. I see… now you know… that is my life… having someone come out and then go away again.. that is what happens…. least it stopped me from having another meltdown… I hate those… no I dont know what his name is… not even sure I have even met him… it must sound so strange to you… that people live in my head and i dont know their name or anything about them… I know some of them .. some very well… Fifi who is 3…. Gyle who is a protector, Mirriam who worked in childcare and helped me bring up my children …. Riven who is the top protector… he always drives the car as the others are too reckless plus some of them were suicidal over the years always wanted to crash the car and die…

Ponyboy who is 15 and loves books… he chose his name from a S.E.Hinton book… that i loved to read… Ponyboy loves smoking…. he is gay.. and also was into swimming and used to do all the Lifesaving stuff … as I was growing up…

Siren who is transgender… m to f… he loves art and drawing… loves the sea and fantasy…

Lucius who is in his mid thirties… gay… smoker..drinker… emotional… deeply hurt over the years by people in our lives… he is the suicidal one… or has been in the past… he is the joker and loves making people laugh…

Gyle… mid forties.. doesnt smoke.. doesnt need a partner or sex.. is quite happy on his own… he is the one who was always out with me… most days.. paying the bills, getting things done.. holding my hand so i was not so scared of being out in public… dealing with people… pretending to be me..

Mirriam… smiles.. Mirriam was always the mother of us all, she is about 40… and a gentle caring person.. she has infinite patience and loves children, cooking, housework.. likes looking after people… she brought up my children and helped me work in childcare… so between her and Gyle we managed to keep a job and food on the table…

And last but not least Carnal… who is 19 and held all my feminine side… my sexuality… she is a sex siren… sensual and dark… smokes.. drinks.. loves men.. she is now a Mistress… I think from the first time we read or heard about BDSM her ears perked up..she was like a duck to water…

And last but definitely not least… Pandora… Pandora is timeless… if I had to put an age to her it would be maybe mid forties… she is also a Mistress .. I never knew her before BDSM so I dont know if she was ever anything else… she is sadistic and hates men… with a passion.. loves cbt, floggers, whips, you name it and she will use it on you and laugh while she does… ball crushing, spitting, humiliation.. the more the better as far as she is concerned… men are worms and are to be crushed into the earth and be no more….

There are a multitude of others… when everything was first happening and they came out.. I met over 100 insiders… probably half of them never came out again after that initial meeting… and over the years slowly less and less have come out…

The last year it was only Fifi, Gyle, Riven and Carnal…..last and definitely one of the strongest is Pandora…

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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