Within Words I Find My Voice

dark-fantasy

There are days where I do not speak.. I am not a vocal person… there are days with my friends I wont shut up… but ask me something deep and meaningful… catch me off guard.. and I am silent .. for my mind is different… it is autistic… it process information differently… my thoughts never make it out my mouth… the prison of my voice.. it is only in my writing .. that I can express myself so clearly that it is ME… my writing is my voice.. and I shout loud and clear… loving every word I type … Words are my best friend.. my savior ..my lover… my soulmate.. for without the written word I would be lost forever within my mind… a polite mask on the outside to the world and inside holding onto the bars screaming … the pain of not being able to express myself as who I really am killing me inside…
So when someone is silent dont ever think they have nothing to say… a person who is autistic hides who they are from the world.. afraid they will not be accepted for who they really are….
The way people perceive me are the bars of my prison… please .. dont lock me away…. set me free… dont think that because I stare off into the distance deep in thought..in another world.. that I cannot hear your words… that Im not paying attention to you… these are the times when I need you the most… when I need someone to bring me back to the present… its just the world is so vibrant to  my senses that it distracts me to everything else…. some days I need help to come back and to speak with you again……

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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