Slut

There are days where I yearn to let go of my control.. days where I wish I was back in Master Lukes room…. being his little ass slut..

Days where I crave to let go… to just be… to trust someone enough to let go…

Does that make me a submissive in disguise… no I dont think so… I know its because it is one of my insiders yearning.. to be what she once was… took me years to work out that what she wanted and what I wanted were two seperate things… it made such a conflict in my life at the time I was with Master Luke… because at the same time I wanted to be a Mistress and I had a babyboy who lived up North and I would visit him every few weeks and I loved him dearly in my own way… but then the little slut loved Master Luke with all her heart… which one was I supposed to be…. I felt so confused…

That is the problem with having insiders… at the time they all wanted their own lives and would fight to have control of what I did… thank god they dont do that now..

There were so many times I just wanted to give up and I did for short amounts of time and I stayed in my padded room inside my mind but I was still aware of what was going on and the mess and fuckups they were making on the outside…

They tattooed my body with tattoos i did not want… or even like….even got my nipples pierced… which is something I did not enjoy having… I hate the feeling of having bars in my nipples….just feels so uncomfortable and even though we tried last year and wore them for an extended period of time… 8 months…..one of them just would not heal… when I had to get a mammogram for breast cancer I just gave up and left them out…luckily I just had non malignant tissue…

 

Advertisements

Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s