I have lost her… and I dont understand why… she wrote a scathing message saying that I did not care about the people I hurt in my life.. that I move from state to state… not caring who I leave behind…. that hurts… I never stopped caring …. we were together for only a month.. I did not realise that she liked me that much… she never said anything… yes I left her… but I was running from her Master …not her…. I hardly remember and she was as fucked up as I was at the time… .. I apologised.. but she obviously needed to get it off her chest… I did not realise she had blocked me on fet until I went there to see her profile… sighs..

Sometimes I hate my life… as much as I struggle to be good… I still am getting mistakes being thrown in my face from before…

what can I say… I would still have left… I knew she was toxic at the time.. she wasnt in a good place in her life.. and I had nothinig to offer her… I had no place I was living.. I had no money.. I was sleeping on the floor in my daughters bedsit.. it was the size of a bedroom.

So We chose to move away.. to try and start over…

Should I have just given up… should I have given up on looking for love.. not moved down to Canberra to be with John… what is the point in life if I cannot try to make my life better… to find someone to love… am I looking for a dream..

Right now I dont really like myself…

“I will never understand you and I dont know why I even tried…”


Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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