I have lost her… and I dont understand why… she wrote a scathing message saying that I did not care about the people I hurt in my life.. that I move from state to state… not caring who I leave behind…. that hurts… I never stopped caring …. we were together for only a month.. I did not realise that she liked me that much… she never said anything… yes I left her… but I was running from her Master …not her…. I hardly remember and she was as fucked up as I was at the time… .. I apologised.. but she obviously needed to get it off her chest… I did not realise she had blocked me on fet until I went there to see her profile… sighs..

Sometimes I hate my life… as much as I struggle to be good… I still am getting mistakes being thrown in my face from before…

what can I say… I would still have left… I knew she was toxic at the time.. she wasnt in a good place in her life.. and I had nothinig to offer her… I had no place I was living.. I had no money.. I was sleeping on the floor in my daughters bedsit.. it was the size of a bedroom.

So We chose to move away.. to try and start over…

Should I have just given up… should I have given up on looking for love.. not moved down to Canberra to be with John… what is the point in life if I cannot try to make my life better… to find someone to love… am I looking for a dream..

Right now I dont really like myself…

“I will never understand you and I dont know why I even tried…”


Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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