What is it about relationships that tax me?

Why do i just shut off when i have had enough of being around people…why was being with Ash today too much for me….and Gyle was here all day

Why am i so uncomfortable in public…why does my brain tick over some days and others I am fine…

I saw Ash when he turned up and I just couldnt do it…I couldnt handle being with him all day…i just lost it and I think that is why Gyle came to the fore…Ash had no idea…why would he…i just act more confident and in charge…in control…male mannerisms but he wouldnt know that..

Gyle doesnt give a shit about being in public…other people or anything that scares or makes me anxious…. he is in charge and as far as he is concerned if something happens he will deal with it like he has always done all my life….Anybody gives him any crap he will just give them a piece of his mind and deal with them in short order…

I like Ash..he is a simple person with honour and integrity…not the prettiest…Gyle says he is downright ugly…but its not about looks…and he cannot help his genetics just as I cannot help mine…he has a heart of gold…and that is worth more than all the pretty faces of vacuous people….

That is Gyles job as my main protector as he is the one always out doing stuff that is supposed to get done…

It is weird..I know more about my insiders now than I ever did…as if knowing i am now aspy I can see more clearly where and how the others help me….

Both Carnal and Gyle are fearless…and very confident go getters…if they want something thy will do anything to achieve it…I think that is where my stubbornness comes from….

Its like knowing the sky is blue or that the sun is hot..undefinable facts…things that cannot be changed…

Not sure I can explain it in any other way the knowledge inside me..the feeling of who they are..its like it is set in stone….



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