I admit it… I am scared.. I am terrified of loving.. I am tired.. sooo tired of falling for the wrong people…. not bad people but circumstance has made them bad for me…

I hurt inside.. I grieve … and all I want is someone to hold me and say “Everything will be Ok’… is that so hard… so bad I want someone to just do that for me.. its such a simple thing I ask…

I just want someone to love me for who I am.. not my others… not what they or I can do for them.. but for me… just me.. no one else.. no masks.. nothing…. and i would give them everything…

I dont know if I can ever let go .. let go of the control .. let go of who I am.. I have built the wall so high… it is impossible to climb… who would ever want to make the effort anymore…

Im not young… I have nothing.. but myself… and who wants that… who needs me..

I can feel myself falling for Serena… in all my vulnerability and awkwardness.. I am falling for someone I haven’t even met yet…  Have I not learnt my lesson yet…

I thought she was on skype tonight… and my heart literally jumped out of my chest…then the disappointment came and it was too much…

I think maybe I should say goodbye to her and say I changed my mind… but its too late… I feel the chains on my heart pull tight and they hold me…

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