I am Scared

I admit it… I am scared.. I am terrified of loving.. I am tired.. sooo tired of falling for the wrong people…. not bad people but circumstance has made them bad for me…

I hurt inside.. I grieve … and all I want is someone to hold me and say “Everything will be Ok’… is that so hard… so bad I want someone to just do that for me.. its such a simple thing I ask…

I just want someone to love me for who I am.. not my others… not what they or I can do for them.. but for me… just me.. no one else.. no masks.. nothing…. and i would give them everything…

I dont know if I can ever let go .. let go of the control .. let go of who I am.. I have built the wall so high… it is impossible to climb… who would ever want to make the effort anymore…

Im not young… I have nothing.. but myself… and who wants that… who needs me..

I can feel myself falling for Serena… in all my vulnerability and awkwardness.. I am falling for someone I haven’t even met yet…  Have I not learnt my lesson yet…

I thought she was on skype tonight… and my heart literally jumped out of my chest…then the disappointment came and it was too much…

I think maybe I should say goodbye to her and say I changed my mind… but its too late… I feel the chains on my heart pull tight and they hold me…

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am more than my diagnoses, I am more than my past. I defy anyone to put me in a box and label who and what I am. I am exceptional. I am unique and so are you. Strive for the stars and you shall paint the world around you with ecstasy, laughter and empathy. Show compassion for those less fortunate. Do not forget the lost ones. Stand up for human rights and social justice. I have been labelled Autistic by therapists, I have been labelled with Multiple Personality Disorder by psychiatrists. On Fetlife I am labelled an Owner, a Cuckoldress and a Mistress. Labels do not define who you are but give others an idea of what you are and that is all. Be more than just a label.

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