2 am

It is 2 am and once again I am awake…. I have accepted Jim and Ollie’s offer of play and will be playing with them soon… my kink is going up a notch… with them and a new sub I will be playing with…. sighs… fun fun fun…

but on another note I wonder at the effort I am putting into being a mistress and whether in the long run, it will be worth it… Serena and I playing on a regular basis seems a mile away right now… as she is so unwell.. and has such long hours at work… she is looking for another job so I hope she gets one where she can have more down time..

Is it selfish of me to want more time with her… I want her I admit it… bad… I have got it bad… I have never fallen so hard or so fast… even though I am cautious my heart is not… and I fear she will tear it out and stomp on it…

I am terrified that I will not be a good enough Mistress for her… I am not creative and I do not have a good imagination when it comes to scenes…. shrugs…

I like Toplayotoplay .. Andrew.. he is the switch who wants to sub to me..  we cammed yesterday and he is a lovely person plus quite sexy.. which is always a bonus..lol lol

Don’t think I would ever fall in love but lust and fun yes…

but who knows I do not anymore… and Degustacion is continually unknowingly teasing Lucius with the play videos and photos he keeps sending me which of course we love..lol

So  I egg him on even more…hahaha

Poor Lucius… it must suck so much to not have your own body… I always felt bad that my others could not…

 

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Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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