More Sane

The last week seems to have seen me/us feeling more normal…I have no idea how it feels for other people inside their heads when they are feeling other…I don’t even know if I myself can explain it in words a normal sane person could understand…

The voices in the back of my mind….

The feelings that belong to someone else that feel like mine but they are not…Feeling other…Gyle has been here most of the time…I guess he makes me feel more normal than the others as they were never meant to live on the outside….only I was and Gyle…

Sometimes I think I was never the original person…that she is gone…I honestly do not know…I’m not even sure Gyle or the others know, remember or even care….as far as they are concerned we just are….we exist and that seems to be enough for them…I want more…I want to know…I want to learn and be able to validate who I am…

What I want is the secrets of the universe….lol…but how silly of me, no one will ever truly know I guess….

I feel very non-emotional today which is why I know it is mainly me…I don’t seem to feel deep emotions…the others do…the last few days someone has been feeling so much loneliness they have been crying…. they want someone in their lives who can complete them..to laugh with…to share life with…someone to love us just the way we are….

I must admit I would love this…maybe because I would love this so much I dissociate the emotions onto one of the others….maybe Carnal or Fifi…I don’t know…Gyle finds it very frustrating to be sure…

We are going to see Shane tonight…after much stalling and anxiety on his part..lol

Will be interesting to see how we go…

Author: thesecretaspieblog

I am 47 years old, divorced a long time ago.. with abusive ex's in my past... I have three children in their early twenties who may or may not have Aspergers. I am self diagnosed and in the future when I can I would like to be officially diagnosed. I just don't have any money to spare atm. I am on Disability for having Multiple Personality Disorder. I was diagnosed officially in 2012. I knew about my personalities from when I was 31. Finding out I am probably on the spectrum has in some ways given me a life jacket and simultaneously felt like someone is pushing me under..... This is just my thoughts put into words.

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