Oh my god. I am terrified, I am so fucking happy. I don’t know whether to throw up or run around screaming.

I feel as if I should wake up it will all be a dream.

I don’t want to type it because if I do it could disappear in a cloud of smoke.

I cried… I was so happy. I admit it. I started falling for Rashid when I first heard his voice.

I am so in love with him it is not funny. That is what is so dangerous. He could destroy me.

And I don’t know what to do… dare I be happy.

Can I take the chance that for once in my life someone loves me for me and not what I can do for them?

He said. “I am falling in love with you, a deep adoration, I am deeply in love with you, tears start from my eyes, my feelings are so heavy”.

” I am falling in love with you, a deep adoration, I am deeply in love with you, tears start from my eyes, my feelings are so heavy”.

“You are beautiful when you smile.”

He said he loves making me smile.

I don’t know what to do with this, I just want to cry as it feels too overwhelming.

He is my moon and I am his sun, I shine for him but I always look for him in the dark.


3 thoughts on “OMFG

  1. It sounds wonderful. I am happy for you 🙂

    If you are having inhibitions, are there any precautionary measures you could take that would yield enough peace of mind to plunge in? I was in a situation before where early on she wanted some “leverage,” just in case I would end up hurting her after she let her guard down or if I was withholding my “true colors” for the time being.

    I know some people would be angry about this but I found it extremely romantic since it meant she was ready to commit and I had nothing to hide. I’m not sure if everyone would react in the way that I would.

    Just an idea that might help to calm that nagging voice that seems to make this bittersweet instead of just, sweet.

    Take care.


    1. Thank you. We spoke for an extended amount of time last night, which brought me a lot of understanding about him. It is not such a problem now as before as I do understand why he withholds identifying information from me. In case we backfired and I was vengeful. He has major trust issues about other people using him same as I. And I totally get it. You build walls around yourself every time you get hurt, every time someone uses you. You slowly give up on the general goodness of people. You hide your softness inside because it hurts.
      It is something he has said he will give me. I just have to be patient and bide my time. And after last night’s deep and meaningful chat with him I am happy with where we are in our journey of getting to know one another.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It is good that it brought about some communication on the subject. There is always a bit of additional risk when it comes to the lifestyle but I feel like it can cut both ways, which is why it works. It doesn’t necessarily make it any less scary, but it does ease the mind some.

        The thing that has helped the most is that over time I have developed faith in resilience. Each time I fail, each time I get hurt… I always end up still wanting what I wanted before.

        Hopefully things will continue to progress for you in a positive way.

        Take care.


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