My very first experience to do with BDSM and the lifestyle was when my ex-wife now ten years ago asked me to dominate her.

And I was so vanilla…lol.

I was like ‘What!!!, You want me to hurt you??!!! ‘.

Needless to say, I did get over my horror at her wanting me to tie her up, blindfold her, and strangle her sending her flying off into subspace.


Can you just imagine it?

Here I was a woman in her mid-thirties and I had only ever done missionary… lol

Had only given one head job and she was the first woman I ever slept with.

The things we do for the ones we love.

I can say it was an eye-opening experience especially when we came across and the whole world of sex and BDSM was like a surreal world I had never seen before.

I laughed a lot at what people were into and now I laugh at myself for being one of those exact people I laughed at… Bahahaha.

I am sure this was not where my spiritual teacher Mrs Trimble thought I would end up when she used to give me stickers. Lol.

But I adored it, I loved how open minded people were about sex. I loved learning about the different people, opinions, roles that they stated they were. Some of the heavy sadism I could not handle, hooks through the skin, hanging people by said hooks just did not do it for me. Needleplay was another one I am not into. Anything that goes into the flesh… gah.

But power exchange, flogging, whipping, canning, golden showers, forced feminization, forced sexual play, forced bi, verbal humiliation, humiliation in general, pet play, human pony, cuckoldry, mother/son, slave/mistress, pegging, human objectification, human ashtray, even toilet.

Anything that has to do with humiliation I am there with bells on.

Definition of sadism – the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation on others.

The thing is I don’t like to be a sadist to just anyone. I love being sadistic to someone I love and cherish.

Is that strange?

I always thought when I first got into BDSM that being a sadist meant you got sexual gratification from only inflicting physical pain.

But for me it about the mental side more.

Humiliating Rashid is the biggest turn on for me ever in my whole life. And the funny thing is it is for him as well. Which makes me laugh as it makes him randier than a rabbit on Viagra. Bahahaha.

I can just see us now getting so randy from the humiliation that we cant keep our hands off each other. Lol. I have a feeling I will be fucking him regularly. Which might be a little strange as I always thought cuckoldry was also about denial but it is not. I think it is whatever you make it and feels right for you as a couple. Although I am never going to give up fucking others. Which is what we both like.

He very much believes we were meant to meet. Me.. hmmm…. yes and no. I don’t think I am as along the road of acceptance about us being meant to be together.

With me, it is only time that will show if we were meant to be or not.

I haven’t truly accepted all of this yet. It still feels very much like a dream. We were supposed to meet for coffee tonight but unfortunately, he is working on a project that has to be finished. I worry as he is working 16 hour days all week. Hopefully, he can rest on the weekend.










4 thoughts on “Sadist

  1. Thank you very much for sharing this. Like, very much 🙂
    The humiliation side of things has become somewhat unpopular lately as it is becoming more common for people to adhere to specific lifestyle philosophies.

    I absolutely love to read about people embracing sadism, especially the emotional side of it. Technically, as the definition states, a sadist will enjoy inflicting both physical and emotional/psychological suffering. There are a number of people that love to inflict physical suffering but for some reason are against inflicting emotional/psychological suffering. This is a lot more common than people might think and I am finding those who enjoy both sides are the less common and very special ones 🙂

    I do not think it is strange to focus the sadistic urges on someone you care about, just as many are wired in such a way where their masochistic tendencies are linked to someone they care about as the aggressor.

    This did make me think about some comments that you had left yesterday on my humility post. Being ashamed of who I am makes me feel submissive, and feeling submissive feels good. As you enjoy the humiliation dynamic, you can see where this gets a bit complicated with whether or not I should seek to “heal” or just ride those feelings to submissive mental space.

    Take care.


    1. There are a number of people that love to inflict physical suffering but for some reason are against inflicting emotional/psychological suffering.

      This is what I don’t get. Inflicting physical suffering with no context. Flogging someone just because with no reasoning behind it. Or doing needleplay, or any of those things I see so many are into on Fetlife. It confuses me as I do not see the point in just hurting someone. There has to be more to it.
      Thank you for the comment. I know I will go and write more about this in a post. Lol.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have encountered a good number of those people. What I have gathered from interacting with them is that they struggle with guilt and Dom-drop and the coping mechanism they developed early in their experiences was the “It’s consensual and mutual pleasure” route. This kept them from feeling like perverse and abusive monsters and it became such an ingrained principle that they can’t see it any other way.

        I could be wrong, but that is the only explanation I could think of that made sense as to why there is such a block against even considering the idea of inflicting emotional suffering. These are also often the types who wish to have a 24/7 D/s relationship but without a punishment dynamic (which is something else that puzzles me. I hear their explanations,they just don’t feel completely honest).

        As for no-context play in general, I would wager that the majority of active kinksters practice BDSM outside of romantic relationships. Many of them treat play like casual sex… as a means of getting off. I’m not wired that way but I have known many who were.

        Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I love reading blogs from the other side of the hand so to speak. I’m a masochist in very way, I love pain, I love ďoing humiliating things for a person I give myself up to… it is not about the humiliating act, it’s about the control, trust and bond. The very fact that they tell me to do something that I otherwise wouldn’t, or that they so something to me, that I have pleased them and felt that pain emotionally or physically gives me massive rush. Nothing though, and I mean nothing, for me ever tops a good harsh spanking to satisfy some of my urges.

    Liked by 1 person

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