The more I am with Rashid the more we both see how much we gell together. How right this is for both of us. There is no question that we are soulmates, there is no question that he is mine, he has no eyes for another and I doubt he ever will. I love him with all my soul, with all my fire and yet we will never make love, neither of us will ever know what it will be like to feel him inside me. And for us that feels right, it feels normal that I will go out for dinner and a movie with him and then go and fuck a bull using R as clean up service afterwards, he gets so jealous because it is not him and again it feels normal that I will cause him emotional pain, that I have destroyed so much of his masculinity, his male persona, he craves me to do so and I desire it like a drug. In a way, it is how we express our love for each other. He craves me to lock him up 24/7 so he will always be denied access to any form of release. Do you know how much it is a relief to me that sex is taken off the table? Im not even sure if he cares if he never fucks my ass at times like we discussed previously. Sex in a serious relationship has always been tied up with abuse for me. To have someone love me so completely and religiously without the monster of sex between us is a balm to my soul. I wonder if he knows that, he knows of my past abuse. At times I wonder what it would be like if we ever did make love but the reality is an impossibility so I don’t really think about it.
Don’t get me wrong our relationship is no way platonic, we kiss, make out, fondle each other, drive each other wild with desire but him being inside my pussy will never happen. I love the sexual chemistry we have between us, I could kiss and caress him for hours. Have him tongue fuck me till the world ends. Lol. But we both enjoy balancing on the edge of desire, need and torment. Erotic denial is highly arousing for both of us mentally and physically and that is what in the end fulfils us. Well, his denial at least. Lol.