R and I have been talking as we seem to do when he is not overseas and his slavishness and constant need of me has grown exponentially. And I cannot lie, it is my blanket.
As an Owner he thinks I have graduated into the dominant I have always wanted to be. Who he has longed for me to be from the first time we met. And he is right, there is a coldness in me that delights in hurting him in everyway. He cries to me at how much I have destroyed him and I just smile delighted at my handiwork. I asked him if this was the type of relationship he always wanted but of course no one can ever give a simple answer to such a question. He calls me a cold unfeeling bitch I think with pride in his voice and we both laugh because it’s true. As much as I love him he is my possession and as such he desires I totally disregard his feelings and the thing is I will. I will always put myself first in our relationship. I will always disregard what he wants. Because I know that is what he craves, he needs.
He is an emotional masochist and the more I get to know him the more I understand what that means to him.
He craves denial, he craves to be objectified, humiliated, used and thrown away, used without regard for his feelings, his rights as a person, it puts him in a state of shame, of humiliation and makes him express his slave soul like a cry in the darkness. And that is so beautiful to me. His hurt, his pain, his jealousy of my bulls for not being the one in my bed all resound within him. And I love making him feel such angst. I revel in the uncaring coldness I feel towards him and he know it.
He would do anything for me and still I would disregard him without a care for his feelings.