There is such an ease between Boi and me, there is no sense of awkwardness or self-consciousness between us. It is like we have known each other since childhood.
I tell him stories of my past and he likes that I do, he likes the way I have with words.
And never in my life have the words flowed so easily from my mouth, I have always struggled verbally and when dominating it’s even worse.
But something about Boi makes it so easy, I feel much like a spider, I spin my words around him like a web when we are together, and it is magical. There is something about the way my words affect him that drives me wild. And it feels so beautiful how easily they come, at times I spit them forcefully at him like bullets and I watch with delight as they hit their mark. At times I weave them gently like a soft blanket, and at others, I seduce him with them. But there is so much more to it, it’s the tone, the look in my eyes, the expression and my actions, the times we have been together he literally goes weak at the knees, I actually make him feel dizzy and he just melts into a big messy puddle of goo. Lol.
And it delights me so much, he makes me feel so many things, wicked, sexy, beautiful, fierce, vulnerable, gentle, he makes me blush and at times I am speechless at how sweet he is towards me. I feel protective like a mummy bear, I watch over him while he sleeps, I have always made sure the person I am with falls asleep first before I let myself relax and do the same. Every time I wake I will stay awake just to make sure they are ok. If a loved one even gets the sniffles I can’t help but smother them with care.
Sunday night we talked about why he is attracted to certain women who are dominant and as with me it comes from his childhood, his mother was very lacksadaisy with her parenting and he ran wild as a boy, she didn’t give him any routine or have any control over him. He wasn’t a bad boy but just wild. And he had a next-door neighbour, she was a thickset motherly woman who was strict with her children and always made sure that they were doing the right thing and behaving themselves and if they did not they would get disciplined. And I think Boi saw that and he craved that type of structure in his life, his mother and father were divorced and he didn’t get along with his stepfather.
So I guess it is no surprise that I am attractive to him, he craves a dominant who is firm, and will put her foot down but can also be gentle and kiss his boo-boos away.
I am a big woman but I carry myself with an awareness of who I am and I know I am attractive. I have come to realise that a lot of men are attracted to big women and some find me alluring and I like that they do, most of my life I thought I was unattractive because of my size but it is nice to think differently and it boosts my confidence.
Boi loves that I am bigger, he sees me as more powerful and sensual, he loves caressing my thighs and kissing my calves, he compliments me on how shapely they are. He makes me melt inside when he compliments me because I know he is not just saying it, he means it, his little clitty cannot lie and neither do his eyes.
The different looks he gets in his eyes when he looks at me destroys me, the happy little boy look, the look where he trusts me and lets me have my way with him, the needy submissive look, the twinkle in his eye when he is being cheeky and a brat. And the one where he suffers for me and his eyes burn. He gets me so worked up I just want to slap him silly, laughs. And he knows he does, I cannot hide my delight in who he is, I cannot be a poker face when I dominate him, I show him a myriad of emotions and he mirrors them back at me as his emotions change. His service is his strength, his love his foundation and his willingness to please me in whatever shape or form heart-achingly beautiful.
He is such an innocent, he has never loved in a way that makes his insides ache, his soul tremble or his eyes weep. It is submitting that makes him passionate, it is submitting that makes him feel worthy, and it is submitting that makes him give everything that he is with such disregard to his heart. It is this total disregard that makes me step lightly around him, that makes me want to love him and protect him as fiercely as a Mumma bear.